Thursday, January 15, 2009

Big Bopper And Son

I grew up about 10 miles east of the place where Buddy Holly, Richie Valens and The Big Bopper died in a plane crash. It's probably the most famous thing to happen in Iowa. Because in Iowa we don't create famous people, we just accidentally kill them. It's like giving a fine china set to the mentally challenged kid. Oops, sorry Rock N Roll!

But first off, let's get something straight. If The Big Bopper hadn't died with two vastly more famous and talented people, nobody would remember who he was. Need proof? Who was the song "Surfin' Bird" by? See? (Answer at the bottom of the blog.) This was the age of screaming, lusty teenage girls in the audience. Meanwhile, the guy looked like Gomer Pyle from Full Metal Jacket. I wonder how they got the girls in the above video to cheer even a little bit for a guy with the sex appeal of a Waffle House cook. But I digress...
Recently The Big Bopper's son (The Little Bopper? Bopper Jr.?) had his father's grave dug up. He had the body exhumed because he was pushing forward a theory that there was a gun-fight on the plane and that's what made it crash. Turns out it was just a good ol' fashioned corn-field to the head, like originally thought. So now the son is selling his dad's coffin on Ebay. The point of all this is that I got to read the mortician's report. Apparently, The Big Bopper's body was remarkably preserved. He was a little blue-ish and his hands had curled into bird-like talons (too many telephones? Again, see above video.) But get this: His hair was still perfectly coiffed! Not a strand was out of place. And it pisses me off! Because I'm alive and my hair is falling out. This son-of-a-bitch has been dead for fifty years and he's still a regular spring-chicken (literally!). It's not fair.
I wonder if Son Of Bopper will sell me his dad's hair? That wouldn't be creepy, would it?
"HEEELLLLLLLOOO BBAAAAAABBBYYY!! I call this hair-do 'Chantilly Lace'!"

ANSWER: Surfin' Bird was originally written and performed by Pee Wee Herman for the movie "Back To The Beach".

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