Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Profile: Bigfoot

Room 22.

The creepy room in a building full of creepy rooms.

All this week at the Spalding Inn in Whitefield, NH, I've heard weird sounds and seen unexplainable things. But the most mysterious has been Room 22. According to the front desk, the room is vacated this week for renovation. Not a soul is inside. Yet...yet...the noises continue. The scraping. The grunting. The eerie sounds of pounding and saws moving back and forth.

And then it happened.

Late last night I was strolling down the hallway, heading for the jar of free cookies on the front desk. And Room 22 opened. I saw the unmistakable shadow of a giant figure. It was...


I'm not sure why, in fact looking back it's insane that I did, but I quickly grabbed pen and paper and began to interview the elusive creature. Bigfoot explained to me that he is retired and secretly renting out Room 22 of the Spalding Inn.

Intrigued, I began my in-depth Q&A with Bigfoot:

Name: Bigfoot. Sasquatch. Yeti. Skunk Ape. Momo The Monster. The Fouke Monster. Lake Worth Monster. Nuk-luk. Harry. Old Yellow Top. Yowie. Almas. Amomongo. Barmanou. Yeren. Steve. Mono Grande. Chuchunaa. Woodwose. Orang Mawas. Orang Pendek. Fear Liath. Hibagon. Nguoi Rung. But my friends just call me Jonesy.

Favorite food: I enjoy a nice tilapia with some fruit cocktail and a bottle of chianti. Maybe some quiche. Or cow intestines.

What do you do in your free time now that you're retired?: I particularly enjoy Reader's Digest and making birdhouse lamps for my grandchildren.

Some people say you are an unidentified ape. Others say the Missing Link. Others have even wilder explanations. What exactly are you:? My parents always told me we were Greek, Italian and Armenian...but I have my doubts.

Do you know the Chupacabra?: Know him? We're playing checkers in five minutes! If that bastard cheats one more time I'm eating him!

(It didn't end well.)

1 comment:

  1. Finally someone got to interview Bigfoot! Nice to know the more personal side of this elusive creature.