Tuesday, March 23, 2010


In this day and age, it's getting harder and harder to believe that Bigfoot exists. With globalization, deforestation and the Internet, the world is getting smaller, more occupied and more supervised by the minute.

And yet, other than shady eyewitness accounts and flat-out fraud, nobody's been able to find him.

So where can he be hiding?

I have a few ideas. They are all places that no sane person would want to go. Places where humanity and self-respect have run for their lives. But when you're a Bigfoot on the lamb, you have no choice.

1) Phish concerts - He's hairy and he smells bad. Not only would he fit right in, but half the people there are on hallucinogenics and would just think he's a hippy security guard. Plus, he would kick ass at hacky sack.

2) Star Wars conventions - I once knew someone who claimed to have seen Bigfoot get into a UFO. Which if you think about it, looks just like Chewbacca getting into the Millennium Falcon. Are all Bigfoot sightings really just confused Star Wars fans? Or is Star Wars based on TRUTH? Think about it....maannnnnnnnnn.

3) North Dakota

4) Match.com - I know, Match.com is not a place. All I'm saying is, Bigfoot might be a girl. Because I've seen "her" picture on this site. Her interests include: Beating her chest, pooping in the woods and methodically disposing of her brethren's corpses over the years so as to not attract detection. And Phil Collins.

5) And here.

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