Last night I was watching SpongeBob Squarepants with my girlfriend. It reminded me of how much I liked working at the elementary school years ago and how I missed the kids. So I said:
"You know, if I didn't do comedy, I would love to be a teacher. Except I don't think I could teach in a rough neighborhood, or with the violently retarded. No offense."
What I meant was "Oops, I realize that 'retarded' is an offensive term to some and I apologize if you take exception to that." But what it ended up being was me calling my girlfriend "violently retarded". Which is ironic, because clearly I fall more neatly into that category myself.