Where: The YMCA - Louisville, KY
Who: Stupid loud old guy bothering me
How: My YMCA pass is transferable nation-wide, so while in Louisville this week I've been going to the gym. Unfortunately, today I forgot my headphones. At first I thought this wouldn't be so bad since I could use the free mental space to write and work on jokes in my head. That's how it would have happened if Cap't Listen-To-Me hadn't shown up. He was in his 50's or 60's, had a green tank top on and I'm pretty sure his nipples sagged to the floor. I never saw them but that's just how it goes in my head. He was using the bench next to me and whenever he'd raise his dumbbell he'd whisper "3...2....1". Damn dude you can't count in your head? I'm easily distracted enough as it is. Are you practicing the world's quietest shuttle lift off? You know I can hear you, right? How am I supposed to remember what count I'm on when it sounds like Peter Pan is whispering in my ear? Then he belched loudly. And then his cell phone went off (clipped on his belt as is the rule for all men over 50) and he answered it in the gym! I don't know what he said because I was too blind with fury but I'm pretty sure it was about Applebees and liking dumb things.
I realize that my pet-peeves make me mildly insane, so I'll try to put a positive spin on it. Maybe this guy was raised in a family of mimes and was never allowed to make a sound until the freedom of his 18th birthday when he could leave forever. So now he lives his life counting out loud and burping and being a douche as an act of rebellion against the tyranny of his imaginary box growing up. Boy, it's not often that the best-case scenario for something is mimery.